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Monday, March 1, 2010

Super-powers!


Recently I wrote about one of the more distressing aspects of the plight of a mother, so to counter-balance that, I've been focusing more lately on some of the advantages to becoming a veteran mom.

There are, of course, the more obvious abilities that mothers learn to exhibit, such as being able to interpret monosyllabic "words" yelled as imperatives with dire urgency by toddlers, navigating gingerly around a multitude of toy land-mines through the living room, and doing all things, including making dinner, one-handed with a 20-lb baby perched on one's hip.

But I have noticed other super-powers that motherhood has afforded me the opportunity to develop as well. Such as...

Selective super-hearing. Some sounds can go undetected and ignored for long spans of time -- for instance, it often takes me 10 minutes to hear something like a child banging on pots and pans. But, even in the midst of explaining a complex math concept to one child, while another one is nagging me for water and another is singing a song at the top of his lungs, I can keenly detect that a baby just crawled into the bathroom upstairs.

Selective super-sight. A friend of ours who's a federal agent once explained how he automatically scans every room he walks into, sizing up any potential threats or suspicious characters. Moms do something similar: within 30 seconds of walking into a room I can identify the top 30 potential choking hazards, the top 10 things that will get broken by a toddler, and all of the heavy objects that could fall on a child's head when he pulls on a tablecloth, curtain, or shelf. (Unfortunately, even with this super-ability, a child's power of observation is still much stronger, and will inevitably find the other 20 hidden dangers I did not spot.)

Super-discernment. Moms develop expert skills in this area. For instance, I can discern the exact right moment to exercise my powerful "super-kiss" healing abilities kissing a boo-boo by listening for the barely detectable shift in a child's cry. If you kiss too early, they will never trust that your kiss has healing powers again because the pain is still excruciating. If you kiss too late, they'll see your kisses as useless since the pain has already dissipated. Finding that perfect sweet spot in the cry is key.

Super-communication skills. Not only can veteran moms handle listening to several conversations at once, but they have also learned how to finely tune the pitch of their voices so they can answer, "Good, Honey" in just the right tone, subtly convincing each of the multiple children clamoring for the mom's attention that she was speaking directly at him/her.

Super-reflexes. None of my years of soccer and tennis practice and training ever developed the level of coordination I now have. As a picture of God's grace, perhaps, I have seen a direct correlation between my increasing clumsiness (due to sleep-deprivation, brain-cell loss, baby-on-hip syndrome, etc) and and my ability to catch multiple items falling through the air at once.

Super-sonic speed. Again, my athletic training was no match for Mom Boot Camp when it came to making me fleet-footed. Moms can hurl themselves through the air, towel in hand, ready to catch the spilled milk before the first drop falls off the edge of the table.


I'm sure there are many other skills that other moms could add to this list. This is all my muddled mind can come up with at the moment. I'm thankful, though, that even though my brain may be wasting away at a rapid rate, motherhood has stealthily given me some new skills and abilities! Maybe I'll be able to put these on my resume someday.

With all this said, though, I must declare that pretty much daily I realize how incapable I truly am. Even with these stealthy super-powers, I very regularly fail to see/do/protect/help, and it is only by the amazing grace of God that anyone in this house is even alive!

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